Friday 29 September 2017

The Boy with the Bowls

Africa will break your heart. It will challenge you, it will push you and it will change you.

In my travels I have worked on many projects and seen many things that have both broken my heart and given me great hope for the future. I have met kids who have come from being dropped in a dumpster to now being healthy, happy, silly children. I have met teenagers who have come from raising their siblings from a young age to now finishing high school grades at the top of their class. The growth in children when they are given a chance to be just that, a child, is remarkable. Children are resilient, they are bright and they are simply waiting with open arms for someone to pick them up, bring them into their lives and hearts and give them a chance.


If you have followed this blog, you will have met several of the children supported through Bracelet of Hope. Bracelet of Hope supports six foster homes throughout the Northern region of Lesotho, in partnership with the Apostolic Faith Mission Development Division. Each one of these 38 children has a story that is both remarkable and gut wrenching.


This past trip to Lesotho, I was joined by a remarkable team of seven to meet the children, support painting and restorations of the foster homes, and to journey into the beautiful mountain kingdom. This group came together from different walks of life for two weeks to become a team of strong, brave givers. Together we painted, cleaned, played and learned. This team was stretched to their limits, they sat in the dirt, they climbed mountains, they hugged and played with the children, they sang, shared food, and opened their hearts to support the orphans in our foster homes, and to create a better life for them.


Part way through the trip, we packed up our van with buckets of paint, cleaning supplies and a hockey bag full of shoes, education materials, feminine hygiene products and clothing for our kids. We were on our way to do some work on a foster home in the Maseru district while the kids were at school.

We arrived in the morning and unloaded the van. Our goal was to paint the foster mother and children's bedrooms and do as much cleaning as we could to support this foster home. The mother at this home had recently been cleared of her cancer. It had been several months of her needing a support foster mother and time to rest as she fought cancer. It was a bright, beautiful morning and we were greeted with new, adorable puppies their dog had just had.


We walked into the home and did an inspection of the rooms we were going to paint. The foster mother's room was first, we had to clear several boxes and move the bed and closets to make room to paint the walls. The girl's room was next, which had two bunk beds and a single bed, as well as a closet. The room was very tidy and the girls had kept it in great condition. We then moved on to the boy's room.

When I walked in I could immediately see the room was dirty, there was an odour and bugs in the room. We began moving things in the room to start painting, touching the blankets and realized that they were dirty to the touch. As I pulled the blankets off the beds, I pulled one of them up and saw a bowl. I then pulled the mattress foams apart and found two more bowls. The bowls had old food inside of them, and this was the root cause of the smell and bugs.

I proceeded to pull off all of the blankets and with our team, we hand washed every blanket in the bath tub from the boys' room. The other half of the team went in and swept, wiped down the walls, opened the windows and painted the bedrooms. The paint created more bright, clean and inviting rooms. It is phenomenal what a few coats of paint can do to transform a home.


As we washed the blankets, I wondered why this young boy had kept bowls of food in his bed. Was he not getting enough food? Was he being bullied? Was he afraid to eat in front of people? Why did he hoard this food?


You see, it is important that when we take in orphans off the streets and out of vulnerable situations that we care for their physical needs, ensuring they are well fed, have a safe roof over their head and receive education and health care, BUT it is also critical that we provide for the emotional needs of these children. That is one of the great challenges.

Many of these children are coming from places where food is scarce, they have lost their parents and have been left to fend for themselves, some as young as toddlers. The scarring that is left behind from them having to fight their way to survive, alone, and afraid goes deep. It is our job to provide them with a happy, safe, healthy home where they can begin to heal and understand that they are safe, they are loved, and they no longer have to fight to stay alive. They have come to the foster home to stay, to have a mother to care for them, food in their bellies and to reclaim their childhood.


After a day of cleaning and painting, I sat down with our social worker and discussed the bowls in the bed. He told me this is not the first time this has happened, and it may not be the last. This young boy's single mother passed, leaving him with extended family. His extended family did not have the resources or capacity to care for him, so they abandoned him. He would often sleep outside his extended family's homes after they had rejected him. Out in the world somewhere, he also has siblings, but they have been separated. He is aware he has family and cannot comprehend why they don't want him. 

He is a very angry little boy, desperate to belong and he is simply protecting himself. When you are used to having to think ahead, not knowing when your next morsel of food will be coming, it makes sense to save every last bit of food you can. By hoarding and hiding food in his bed, he feels comforted that even if food runs out at the foster home, he will always have enough to survive. Food is a basic human need. He has been through trauma that has forced him to rely on his survival instincts. He is not being lazy or rebellious by sneaking food, he is simply exhibiting his survival instincts. This insecurity of lack of food has developed over years and it will take time for him to trust that at the foster home, there will always be food available.

With a lot of love, trust, and patience, we will work towards helping him heal. Our social worker has sat down with him many times, taking extra counselling sessions with him. He is also now engaging him in an activity he loves- art. He draws stories, feelings of anger, fear and inner thoughts. The drawings are helping him express his feelings and thoughts. It has started to open up a space for talking, and that's a start. This issue of food hoarding and desperation to belong will not be cured over night. At age fourteen, he has endured more than most adults in this world could ever imagine.

I often tell stories of our children who have come from horrific circumstances who are now thriving and growing in positive ways. That is the ultimate goal of course. However, sometimes it takes longer than a month, a year, or even five years. Sometimes, the traumas that these children have endured last a lifetime. The counselling and support that our social worker and foster moms give to these children is an ongoing struggle. We do this work because it desperately needs to be done. It is ongoing and it is challenging. 

I tell these stories because I am desperate for you to know what kinds of struggles we face when supporting orphans. We stand up for these kids, we tell their stories, we fundraise for these kids, we wash their dirty blankets, we hold them tight. Every penny, every soccer game, every storybook matters. Children need love and they need support. Every small amount of heart, of money and of care you give, truly does make a difference in their lives. 

Situations like these can break you. They can make you have a hard time believing that the world is good, and that good things can happen. I choose to take on these challenges and use them as fuel to keep going, as a reason to continue to fight for these kids. And for that reason, without hesitation, I ask you today, will you join me in washing their blankets, funding their education, feeding their bellies and helping to ensure that one day, not a single child has to endure the tragedies that these kids have felt? Help us give them the bright future they deserve.

www.braceletofhope.ca 





Monday 4 September 2017

Mochochonono

Thursday, April 27
Mochochonono

I have missed a couple days of the blog. In the last few days I met with SOS Children’s village, who have same struggles as us, want to discuss a partnership, fundraising together, support one another. We went to Rotary Club, discussed the Global Grant, the successes and the needs for the future. A Rotary member wanted to take us to the cultural show he had created, so went for a visit to see historical artifacts of Lesotho and clothing.



I received my Basotho dress today, we need to do some alterations but they were so proud and so happy about the dress. It is beautiful! I went to the nun’s convent as well to chat and catch up. One is 87yrs old, she has broken her leg, was in cast for 5 months. One of the nuns I met last year has passed away, same month and year as her sister, she had to decide if she would go to her “spiritual sister” or mother’s child funeral. We also talked about politics, Donald Trump, kings, chiefs and parliament. 



We then had a great meeting with a phenomenal organization called SolidarMed. They work in many African countries, Lesotho being one, where they support medical needs through multiple critical mobile health units. 



For the evening, we went to Samuel’s house for dinner and had a fantastic meal. It was so nice sitting with family, and getting to enjoy little Bohale. She is now walking!! It was a great day. We listened to a South African soccer game on the radio on the way home.

Tonight I was thinking about my dad as I look up in the sky. He taught us how to find the constellations and if we were every lost, to follow the North Star. I think he would love the Lesotho stars. It makes me feel so far from him and my family knowing that I even have a different set of starts to look at night.

Today I woke up to no water again, so I went out to the tank and collected some buckets of water. I got ready and Ntate picked me up to go to ‘Me Matsepo and Pastor James’ house. We arrived to a very warm greeting, and a beautiful garden full of succulents and lovely flowers. I adore succulents. Inside the house was warm and inviting, with more plants throughout the home as well.



We began upstairs in the office to do some training for Quicken software, bookkeeping records and reports. We tried to put the new Quicken on ‘Me’s new computer but unfortunately we could not. We spent some time trying to figure it out and eventually decided to bring it to the computer shop. We then went through how to create a report for all of the expenses and revenue that comes in to AFMSDD through Bracelet of Hope, fundraising, government grants, or the income generating activities. We went through some basic excel training, some good formulas to use and created a template we all felt would be the best to track on a month to month basis.

We discussed some of the hardships in business such as a difficulty to even be on the internet. In Lesotho, Vodacom has monopoly with one other company over all of the phone and data in the country. It can be expensive to even use a small amount of data, so if you do not know exactly what you need right away, it can be troubling, as your data can run out quickly. Pastor James explained that sometimes small issues like this can lead to bigger problems in Lesotho.

We spent quite some time doing bookkeeping and record training until our bellies were grumbling and we decided to have some lunch. We had delicious rice, vegetables, pumpkin and chicken. We discussed pies in Canada, especially pumpkin pie, and the magic mixture that is cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and cloves. We talked about the cold Canadian winter, and deceiving the sun can be in Canada at times in the winter. When the sun is out in Lesotho, you can know you will find warmth, but in Canada, we can have sunny days at -20 degrees!  We had a wonderful discussion about things we loved about our countries and talked about how funny Ntaoleng, Justice and other children in the homes were.


It was approaching the later afternoon so we headed out to Tlhakuli. I believe this is the most beautiful foster home of all. The home is on the way up the mountains and overlooks such beautiful scenery. We drove down some very rocky terrain, and it reminded me of when I was in Kenya, and our driver Boniface used to say that off-roading were better roads than the roads. As we drove towards the home, we saw children on their way home from school and the screamed and laughed as the Lekhooa took photos! One of the children was so excited that he ran alongside the car as we drove away! It was adorable.





We continued to drive along until we reached the bottom of the hill where Tlhakuli home is. We then climbed up the side of the mountain for about 5-10minutes. When we reached the top, ‘Me was waiting for us, as was one of the boys. The other boys were down playing near a pond. ‘Me called for them and they call came up. We began playing with the skipping rope, balloons and bubbles, as at the other homes. I also brought some small cars for the boys to play with, and they attached their balloons to the back of the toy cars.

I then went to interview the Foster Mother, ‘Me. One thing that struck me was that she is a foster mother of four boys. I asked her what it was like to only have boys, and she said she does miss having girls around, as they tend to help more, but one of the little boys, Sello, is extremely helpful. He loves to cook. She said that he will peel and chop the vegetables, help cook the dinners and clean up afterwards. He has even begun to start dinners without her. She said she wants to raise strong, helpful boys that will become wonderful men. She is doing a good job of that.

After the interview ‘Me showed me her gardens and where her kitchen was. There is no electricity at Thlakuli so they must do everything by fire and candlelight, including homework. The boy showed me their progress reports and they were all doing either “well”, “good” or “very good”. I told them they should be proud.









We continued to play for some time until it was time to leave. I then told them I would see them at church and made my way down the mountain.

We returned to Pastor James & ‘Me Matsepo’s house for a lovely dinner. We sat down with the two of them, Samuel, Ntate Machefo and ‘Me Puseletso and the girls ate in the living room. We enjoyed some spaghetti noodles with vegetables, beef and to my absolute joy – a fresh green salad from their garden of lettuce, cucumber and tomato! I have not had much salad since I’ve been here so it was so lovely to have. We chatted for some time, and enjoy the company.

I had a cup of tea and had a Skype call with our Board Chair, John. He told me that he had escorted the Prime Minister, our MP and Mayor around Linamar and got to tell them about Bracelet of Hope as well! What an opportunity!

Today I also learned a new Sesotho word- Mochochonono – which means a shooting star. I think it’s my new favourite word. Say it- Mo- cho- cho- no- no. See? Wasn’t that fun!

After dinner Pastor James and ‘Me Matsepo drove me home and we talked about snakes and lizards and childhood pastimes. It has been wonderful getting time with them to get to know them and spend some family time. It’s difficult to travel alone because you end up eating a lot of your meals by yourself. It’s quite amazing how much a dinner with a family can fill up your soul, along with your belly.

After they dropped me off I boiled some water to wash my dishes, and had a nice chat with my mom. It’s great to be able to talk to her from here, she is one of the most positive and encouraging people you would ever meet, and she’s always trying to think of ways she can further help people. We had a great chat and I told her I needed to go, as I was going to wash my hair.

This may sound silly, but I had been putting it off as the water in the taps is not working, so I washed my hair in buckets tonight. I boiled water and mixed it with cool water and washed my hair in the bucket! It was great to get a clean head of hair finally! Look out curls, here they come!

I listened to some NPR podcasts and decided to read before bed. My time here is coming to an end, and as much as I miss my family at home, I have a family here as well; the foster mothers, support workers, Samuel and the Mpakanyane family, Pastor James and ‘Me Matsepo, ‘Me Mahlompho and Andy, the wonderful people I have met along the way, and of course, the babies. If I could scoop all of them up and put them in my suitcase they’d be home by Wednesday with me.

People often ask me if it’s hard for me not to want to adopt them all. On one hand, yes of course, these are remarkably strong, funny, beautiful babies here, but on the other hand, no. I get to see that the foster homes here are providing these children a better life. They have a family, a mother, friends, schoolmates, a life here. They get to live under the beautiful Lesotho sun, amongst the mountains that touch the sky, with some of the greatest people I have ever known. So, my answer is yes, it’s hard to say goodbye, but I leave with a full heart knowing that these children are succeeding, they are happy and most importantly, they are loved.

Tomorrow I am going to visit the last foster home. It is truly bittersweet. I miss my husband but don’t want to leave my Basotho family.


To me, they are all “Mochochonono”.